12 Of The Funniest Spiritual Jokes That Will Make You Feel Guilty For Laughing

It is said that young children laugh as much as 100 to 200 times a day, compared to a large majority of adults who only get zero to several daily laughs. Yet laughter is good not only for the body but also for the Soul and Spirit.

An Internet site advise us with a Wellness Tip: “Go on and laugh! Whether your preference is giggle, chuckle or guffaw, here are dozens of well-being benefits of laughter:

– Increases antibodies in saliva that combats upper respiratory infections.
– Secretes an enzyme that protects the stomach from forming ulcers.
– Conditions the abdominal muscles.
– Relaxes muscles throughout the body.
– Aids in reducing symptoms of neuralgia and rheumatism.
– Changes perspective.
– Has positive benefits on mental functions.
– Reduces blood pressure and heart-rate.
– Helps the body fight infection.
– Releases endorphins which provide natural pain relief.
– Tightens stomach muscles.
– Helps move nutrients and oxygen to body tissues. AND, it makes you feel good!”

(This Is Why Laughter Is One Of The Best Medicine There Is)

So: given the above “license to laugh,” enjoy the following large selection of fun material, including humorous spiritual stories you may have heard and read over the years, and various jokes and quips!

It’s interesting how my Jewish friends send Jewish humor, my Protestant friends send Protestant humor, Catholic friends send Catholic humor, Zen friends send Zen humor…

Thus, as Sufi-Zen poet Thomas Burns says: “May you be ridiculously happy!”—or, if you prefer, happily ridiculous!

1. OVERHEARD

A toast given by a Hindu gentleman at a wedding: “A man not having a wife is incomplete. And once he has a wife, he’s finished!”

2. MEDITATING MONKS

One Buddhist monk leaned over to another and quietly asked, “Are you not thinking what I’m not thinking?”

3. GEORGE CARLIN, ON REVERSING LIFE’S SEQUENCE

I want to live my next life backwards:
You start out dead and get that out of the way.
Then you wake up in a nursing home feeling better every day.
Then you get kicked out for being too healthy.
You enjoy your retirement and collect your pension.
Then, when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day.
You work 40 years until you’re too young to work.
You get ready for High School: drink alcohol, party, and you’re generally promiscuous.
Then you go to primary school, you become a kid, you play, and you have no responsibilities.
Then you become a baby, and then…
You spend your last 9 months floating peacefully in luxury, in spa-like conditions: central heating, room service on tap, and then…
You finish off as an orgasm. I rest my case.

4. GOD TELLS ADAM TO BE FRUITFUL AND MULTIPLY

A few days after creation, the Lord called Adam and said, “It is time for you and Eve to begin the process of populating the earth, so I want you to kiss her.” Adam answered, “Yes Lord, but what is a kiss?” So the Lord gave a brief description to Adam who took Eve by the hand and took her over to a nearby bush.

A few minutes later, Adam emerged and said, “Thank you Lord, that was quite enjoyable.”

And the Lord replied, “Yes Adam, I thought you might enjoy that. Now, I’d like you to caress Eve.” And Adam asked, “What is a ‘caress’?” So the Lord again gave Adam a brief description and then Adam went behind the bush to caress Eve.

Quite a few minutes later, Adam returned, smiling, and said, “‘Lord, that was even better than the kiss.”

And the Lord said, “You’ve done well Adam. And now I want you to make love to Eve.”

And Adam asked, “What is ‘make love’ Lord?” So the Lord again gave Adam directions and Adam went again to Eve behind the bush. But this time he reappeared in five seconds and asked, “Lord, what is a ‘headache’?”

5. WEDDING OFFER

During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the pastor with an unusual offer: “Look, I’ll give you $100 if you’ll change the wedding vows. When you get to the part where I’m supposed to promise to ‘love, honor and obey’ and ‘be faithful to her forever,’ well, I’d appreciate it if you’d just leave that out.” He passed the minister a $100 bill and walked away satisfied.

On the day of the wedding, when it came time for the groom’s vows, the pastor looked the young man in the eye and said: “Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life, and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?” The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, “Yes,” then leaned toward the pastor and hissed: “I thought we had a deal.” The pastor put a $100 bill into the groom’s hand and whispered: “She made me a better offer.”

6. THE MONK

A new monk arrives at the old Italian monastery for his celibate life of shared poverty and prayer, and is assigned to help the other monks in copying the old texts by hand. He notices, however, that they are copying from copies, not the original manuscripts. So, the new monk goes to the head monk to ask him about this, pointing out that if there were an error in the first copy, that error would be continued in all of the subsequent copies. The head monk says, “We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son.” So, he goes down into the cellar with one of the copies to check it against the original. Hours go by and nobody sees him. So, one of the monks goes downstairs to look for him. Hearing sobbing coming from the back of the cellar, he finds the old monk leaning over one of the original books crying, and muttering between tears: “There’s an R! There’s an R!” He asks the old monk what’s wrong, and in a choked voice came the reply, “The original word isn’t “celibate” but “celebrate.”

7. FUNERALS

According to most studies, people’s number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death. Death is number two. This means to the average person, if you go to a funeral, you’re better off in the casket than doing the eulogy. –Jerry Seinfeld

8. THE YOGI AND THE PIZZA

The Yogi walked into the Zen Pizza Parlor and said: “Make me one with everything.” When the Yogi got the pizza, he gave the proprietor a $20 bill. The proprietor pocketed the bill. The Yogi said “Don’t I get any change?” The proprietor said, “Change must come from within.”

9. MISSIONARIES

Anglican Archbishop Desmond Tutu, the 1984 Nobel Peace Prize winner from Cape Town, South Africa, tells the following: “There is a story, fairly well known, about when the missionaries came to Africa. They had the Bible and we, the natives, had the land. They said ‘Let us pray,’ and we dutifully shut our eyes. When we opened them, why, they now had the land and we had the Bible.”

10. CHILDREN’S DRAWINGS

A Kindergarten teacher was observing the children while they drew their art. She would occasionally walk around to see each child’s work. As she got to where one little girl was working diligently, the teacher asked what the drawing was. The girl replied, “I’m drawing God.” The teacher paused and said, “But honey, no one knows what God looks like.” Without missing a beat or looking up from her drawing, the little girl replied, “They will in a minute.”

11. SCHOOL LUNCH

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun had posted a note on the apple tray: “Take only ONE. God is watching.” Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, “Take all you want. God is watching the apples.”

12. GRACE BEFORE MEALS

The Sunday School teacher asks, “Now, Johnny, tell me frankly: do you say prayers before eating?” “No sir,” little Johnny replies, “I don’t have to. My Mom is a good cook.”

Inspired by: Enlightened Spirituality