The term “relationship” can be used as a connection between peers, family, lovers and even between people and animals.
In one of my previous articles I mentioned that we have energy working between us. That energy is stated to be the relationship that sometimes runs on long term or fades on short term. So if that energy works between people, the relationship will stay, and if it doesn’t, we break that connection and keep moving our way.
1. People want to see you as a dreamer
Unconsciously, your girlfriend/boyfriend, friends and family want to see that you have a dream to become something (even if they may not support it in the beginning). That’s why I write so much about vision.
When we have a vision, usually to take action about something we wish to see in the future, we give people a connection and a “rope” to hang. They want to learn from you, to connect with you and to simply understand you.
The connection between us is the most important for our personal growth. As Napoleon Hill states “we have to build a community of dreamers” and to rise as a unity. He also says that by examining wealthy people for over 25 years, every each and one of them started rising as a person when they found their authentic relationships.
People without a dream or a vision are like “white wall.” They have nothing to show around and they don’t radiate any type of aura. They are “blanco”. From a white piece of paper we cannot learn anything.
2. The singular and plural side
You see, when we have a connection, we don’t want that connection to be the only thing in our life. Unconsciously, everyone will respect the connection if you don’t rely on him/her. The vision will help you get more singular side.
Albert Einstein quoted this thing very precisely: “If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
If you want to stay in healthy relationships between the people around you, don’t rely with all you have on them. We need to have our own life and we need life where we belong to a community. If the “singular” side is missing, we will always rely on another person which will make us the “white wall” without a vision.
Have your singular side and a plural side. Only the singular side will drive you nuts, and only the plural will scatter you as a person. Find balance between them.
3. Be a good listener
Most of the people in my environment are really REALLY bad listeners. They race to say what they have to say, not minding what the other person has to say.
It’s much better to listen and respond, than to respond and respond. That’s why it’s called relationship, a connection between two or more people. We want to talk to a person who pays attention to what we speak. Make sure to pay attention to the next actions that will make you a good listener:
1. an eye contact (the most vital connection)
2. the automatic “yeah, mhm, ok” respond (do this automatically and don’t overdo it because it will narrow your attention to the automatic responds rather than listening to the person)
3. direct your body towards them (it says you are open to a conversation and you let their energy in)
4. don’t cross your legs nor hands (it shackles your personality and points out an invisible shield)
For starter, if you can combine these things, you will be pretty good listener. Believe me, you will be “most wanted” around people. Just use your ears more than you use your mouth.
4. Organize your time
If you don’t think that by organizing your time, people will want you more, let me reconsider you.’
When we have to-do list to organize our time, people will value that more than to be all-time available.
If everyone is able to have you in any second of the day, tells that you don’t have your organized “singular” side, or a vision. The point is not to play “hard to catch”, but to have your own thing.
Everyone wants to see a person building something on their own; no one want’s to build someone up. Even me as a life coach, I try to make people find “their own thing” rather than to rely on my words all the time. It’s about repairing something that can last afterwards. It’s not about making it work on a switch.
That’s why we need to have to-do lists. Those lists are best when we want to achieve more in our lifetime.
Organize your day and I guarantee you that people will respect you more and want you more around them in your free time.
The conclusion is that when we have singular side and something to strive for, bigger than people or things, we become something rare and we fall out of majority. It’s the moment when we direct the energy circle around us, rather than sending our energy to circle around others.