We’ve all come across toxic people. It might seem easy to identify the kind of people that one would describe as ‘toxic’. They are selfish, manipulative and use others for their own advantage without a shred of conscience.
They can be especially difficult to deal with. If you’re someone who has to put up with such people on a regular basis this article will really help you out.
A Zen Master has now decided to share the best ways to identify the truly toxic people and reveals how you can deal with them. This might not seem obvious, but there are times when we might actually fail to understand that the people around you are truly toxic.
First, let’s take a look at the kind of traits that you should be looking out for in toxic people.
9 Traits of Toxic People:
1. They talk more than they listen. They are truly narcissistic and manage to make everything about themselves.
2. They are completely unwilling to learn from their mistakes. Frankly, they’ll never accept that they’re capable of making mistakes.
3. They exaggerate everything. Drama seems to incessantly follow them around.
4. They are compulsive and often unrepentant liars.
5. They force relationships. They value relationships for the outward superficiality and not for any real connection.
6. Everything is judged by the experience they’ve had. Their experience is the only one that seems to count.
7. They have to talk you down to keep their own self-esteem up.
8. They’re very controlling and domineering people.
9. They completely lack tack and diplomacy. They don’t care if they hurt other’s feelings.
How You Can Respond to Them
A Zen Master on Reddit responded with some very sage advice on how to deal with such individuals. Here we quote him directly:
‘The deeper your present moment of peace is, the easier it will be to react non-passionately when faced with hostility. As you get better at this, you realize how tortured and suffering an individual has to be to try to elicit such harsh reactions. Based on your knowledge you can develop your empathy and compassion and in time this insight will let you be more peaceful in the present moment.
Eventually with enough peace and insight on your side you can begin to extinguish the fires of hostility by extinguishing anger with patience and understanding. It’s hard to continue treating someone harshly when they are treating you well. You can effect a change in the mental state of the person being hostile to you. In helping them relieving themselves of their negative feelings and anger, you are not just helping them but also yourself as you no longer need to deal with them as the people they were.”
The lowdown for what the post is saying is to follow the path of ‘ahimsa’. It literally means non-violence and has been the cornerstone of many mystical and political philosophies in the East.
Most famously, Gandhi used these principles to protest against the oppressive British regime. This idea stems from the value of not letting the anger (which leads to violence) to touch your mind.
Far from being a cowardly method of dealing with problems, it requires a lot more strength to restrain yourself. Most importantly, it is the perfect way of changing those around you. The spiritual strength you get ‘by being the better man’ should never be underestimated. It is a rare and incredibly potent power to have the ability to make people respect you.
Must-Read: A Zen Master Explains Why “Positive Thinking” Is Terrible Advice