Some of us have a lot of love to give.
Often it is to our own disadvantage. I hate to admit it, but being a pure soul does not pay off if you are being abusive to your own self. Don’t let other people walk all over you in the name of friendship. You think you’re helping humanity. And, honestly, you probably are. But you’re doing a huge disservice to yourself. It is important to understand that being nice does not involve being horrible to one’s own self.
Depression often makes you seek validation. Sometimes, you are so blinded in your pursuit to have people like you, that you forget your own value. However, even then there will be people who will call you narcissistic, who won’t see the altruism, but find ways to criticize you. While growing up, for many years, I imbibed this second-hand notion of myself. I sang along with their abuses and used their perspective to judge myself. I put the views of my friends over mine, because surely I was not important enough? I gave in to living off the world others made for me, because I lost my own.
I suffered 2 major panic attacks that were consequences of an attempt at killing myself. Having seen Death from up close, I began to change my life 180 degrees. It is only then that I saw things for what and how they were, and began to develop my own perspective.
Someone Else’s Life
As a kid, the adults around me rendered me powerless. They loved children, but forgot that those were human beings too. Their parenting notions dated back to the medieval times, and my wings were chopped off before I even knew I had them. Years passed by and I began to replicate those emotions in romantic relationships. I would give my heart to anybody who found me tolerable; who validated me by finding some aspect of me pleasing. I groomed myself to an extremity because I thought that’s all that mattered.
That was not me. I was indebted to all the people who befriended me, or dated me. I always gave others the benefit of doubt, and let my abandonment issues allow the others to rule over me.
Being a saint is tiring. Watching yourself hit rock-bottom over and over again in your Priority List, and getting nothing out of all the sacrifices.
All these exercises, simply to convince yourself that somebody is worth it; that someone will give you their everything just like you have. At least for a bit, maybe?
But when reality hits, and the love story is over, where do you go? When the butterflies have died away, and the center of your world refused to stay, where do you go? To self-hatred, of course! You consider yourself guilty for all of it. And since this recurs infinitely, you tell yourself that sunshine will always be too far away.
But it isn’t. It’s really close, actually.
You’ve heard of: “You get what you give” and you’ve given your soul away. It’s time we focus on a new saying: “You teach people how to treat you”.
I’m sure you’ve tried it before. Called somebody out for their lies, fought for your own self, probably even told some people what you really think of them. However, all of this usually comes back to bite you. You either end up feeling really guilty for being mean, or everybody else tags you as the woman/man who has got no chill. Either way, you’ve found it to be useless.
Now think about this: Why do you care? If you’re wearing a short dress and forgot to wax, how is your body hair somebody else’s business? If you don’t like the way someone behaves with you, why would you be guilty for speaking up?
You matter. In fact, you matter most. The number 1 thing on your Priority List should be your own well being.
The best friend you will ever have is the one you see in the mirror. Look after her, care for her, it will never go to waste.
The more you give others emotionally, the less you get back. I know how unjust this sounds, but that’s just how this world functions. If you text too much, they’ll reply too little. If you say ‘yes’ to every plan, they’ll start saying ‘no’ to yours. They will take you for granted.
The moment you begin to transform into somebody who treats their own selves right, the others will hate it. They will object to it, because it means you aren’t at their service any longer. Do not be sorry. They might even say that your personality is intimidating them.
Be confident. Work place politics? Report it. Don’t hold back just in case you lose your job. There will be several more to come. Stand your ground.
Even in the case of love. If your partner mistreats you, let them go. Do not let people kill you in the name of affection. Love does not hurt that bad.
Spend time with yourself. You will discover so much more that you never knew. There’s a storehouse of peace inside that mind, and once you’ve weeded away the negative influences in your life, your mind becomes a lot calmer.
Put yourself first. Put yourself before anything, and anybody. This world is out to get all of us. So, fight for yourself, and everything you believe in. I wish you strength, love, and most importantly, the power to love yourself like no tomorrow!
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