“The cornerstone of every nutritious” relationship is trust. This has to be established early in the relationship if it is to last.
But sometimes, just sometimes, even though you hope that your partner’s past experiences won’t stop them from trusting you because you are different, they just do.
Every individual comes with baggage, and your partner might not be different.
The thought of letting someone in who could potentially cause as much harm and damage as the last person did is absolutely terrifying, especially if there’s an actual connection. Things get real quick, and fear kicks in.
Emotional walls are sometimes impossible to scale. And guess what, this is just because of fear; this is someone who has seen things falling apart, more than often good things. It is only natural.
Here are seven things that might help you out while trying to figure out a partner who comes with emotional baggage like that:
1. They will be unwilling to compromise
Taking the first step is always big. You make compromises and exception for people you care about.
But when their exes just remind them of the effort they put in to receive abuse, they will be wary and for enough reason.
You WILL be disappointed. And you have to be okay with it.
2. Lack of trust
When their trust has been broken time and again, is it not natural for them to find it difficult to trust you, someone new and comparatively unknown to them.
You can expect a lot of suspicion and more than often quiet treatment on asking them what’s wrong.
3. Not being integrated into the person’s life easily
After being jilted/abused/broken, a person gets used to loneliness.
They try to pick up the smithereens of their heart and move on to find happiness.
Pushing yourself way too quickly in his or her life is a recipe for disaster. Allow this person breathe and to make the choice when he or she is ready.
Let them take their time if you value them.
4. Second chances are a big no-no
Wary people run at the first sign of disaster and that’s okay.
Try to be understanding and kind. Try not to remind them of their abusive exes. Try not to be what they were to them.
If you do, and they leave out of fear, it’s on you and you alone.
Think of it as a constant elimination round; it will be tough.
5. One-shot is all you get
Continuing from the last point, you have one shot.
You can choose to make it all better or you can make it worse.
And saddest part of the thing is, you make it worse for them too; think about it. You are basically wrecking a wreck that is trying to heal itself.
This is someone who has had the courage to walk away from it all. Self-preservation is a strong impulse and they have mastered it.
If you don’t get them enough time to get used to you, to grow, they will invariably coil up and withdraw further till you can’t reach them.
7. No extra mile
Don’t expect them to make exceptions for you; they are used to being alone and will get back to it first chance they get and you will be left trying to catch the waves with your bare hands.
Loving someone who is broken can be a challenging thing. Think really hard before committing and consider all the red flags, objectively.
Keep fighting for love. It’s always worth it.