Many people would like to believe that the process of awakening is glorious. That the path is filled with light and they just have to follow it to reach The Divine. Although many false Gurus might want you to believe that, if you really wish to be awakened, you will have to give up on that notion entirely. Awakening is difficult, it is cruel and messy, and there is no roundabout way to reach that point without getting yourself dirty first.
Without even realizing it, we have been internalizing so many wrongful notions about the world and ourselves. We have become so accustomed to the listening, believing and recreating lies that we have forgotten where reality ends and the facade begins. And even if we do come to our senses and realize the truth, more often than not, we are unwilling to give up those lies. It is far too comfortable to gloat thinking that you are awakened just because of your insight. But true awakening comes when we are able to dismantle ourselves completely and give up all the lies and can finally begin the process of rebuilding ourselves.
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It can get very hard to strip ourselves bare of these lies because over time they have all been incorporated into our sense of self. Without them, we wouldn’t know where we stand. We put up so much resistance because we are rigid to this self-identity. But we forget that it too is based on falsities. For us to begin the process of awakening, we will have to surrender completely this sense of self and give ourselves up to the oblivion of not knowing who we are. This does not come easy and it gets very painful and harsh to deal with so much. But, overwhelming as it might be, it is the first step and we have to take the leap.
When this happens, we see that the world we believe in crumbles down all around us. All our relationships and friendships and every other thing that we have achieved seems futile and false. This, in itself, is enough to crush anyone but yet we keep fighting against that sense that nothing we believed in was true. And it is a difficult fight indeed because you can never win. The only option you have is to give in to the suffering. Once you stop fighting what is inevitable and embrace the oblivion, you can finally move on from the last shreds of embellishments and lies.
It will be difficult and for many days everything would seem bleak and desolate. But if you hold on, one day light will return to your life. And when you step into this light, you will finally begin to see sense. Where initially you thought you were empty and barren, you will find an eternal spring of love. This love is what connects all beings in the Universe and runs through each one of us. You will at once feel like the part of everything and at the same time at a distance to everything.
The Siddhartha road to self is not easy to tread on. Your greatest enemy is your mind which has been under so many illusions that it can no longer tell what the truth is and what it is not. Not just that, but there are no friends or loved ones who can travel the path with you because they themselves are disillusioned. Your only tools are your confidence and bravery. Unless you are ready to destroy yourself, you will not be able to find yourself. You will be tested beyond your endurance and not many can survive it. So think about it. Are you ready to give what it takes and never back down from your mission, no matter what?