A wise person once said that books and friends should be few and well-chosen. It is a matter of fact that the people we surround ourselves with, make us or break us.
Good, healthy friendships can be really constructive and would generally boost your overall state of being. And on the flip-side, toxic friendships can bring your life down the hill.
Being generally discerning in life has always been important and friendships are no different; one should know which friends to keep and which to cut off if one truly wishes for a good and prosperous life.
This list might help you see some of the key differences between the ones that are worth keeping and the ones that are definitely not:
1. Real friends are the ones that respect you
This is kind of a no-brainer for every kind of relationship; if there is no respect in the relationship, there is no relationship. Real friends, will never point the finger or call you names before trying their best to resolve the issue with you, directly, no matter what the issue is.
And because there is respect, they also understand that disagreeing on certain things is always good and sometimes it’s even beneficial as it gives spark for a spirited debate and discussion. No matter what, they will trust you to make the right choice at the right time.
It matters to them if you are hurt.
False friends will cease the first opportunity to point their fingers at you and even physically hurt you if it comes to that, because for them you getting hurt doesn’t really matter.
2. You don’t need to tell your real friends how you feel all the time
There is a term for it: Empathy.
You can expect this empathy from your real friends. They will understand if you are low just by looking at you and they will try their best to help you and cheer you up.
They won’t notice the fact that you have failed; what they will see is just a setback that can be fixed.
Your false friends however, will see this opportunity to further criticise you and bring you further down.
No one needs that kind of negativity in life and situations like these truly put every friendship to the test.
3. Real friends will value discussion
Great things have been achieved over discussions. We all have heard of how greats like Pound and Eliot used to argue and discuss the literary climes of their day.
So it is with good friends. Constructive ideas and thoughts are bound to spring from your spirited and lively debates.
Also in the case of real fights between you two, they will always give you a fair chance to discuss the issues you have.
Au contraire, false friends will take everything personally; because the relationship will be seen by them as an essentially black and white things; and as a result, the first sign of an argument will be taken by them as a personal attack.
4. Real friends miss you and call you
This is true for any kind of communication, to be honest. Real friends care about you and miss you, and even though you both know that you are busy people, you will try and communicate. You will write, text and call because you are concerned about each other.
False friends however will only talk to you if they need something from you. And when you can’t give them what they want, they will start breaking the bond and find new prey.
5. Real friends accept you, just the way you are
Flaws are inherent to every human being. Friends who care about you, will accept you with yours.
They will probably love you even more just for those particular quirks of yours.
Others, and at this point trying to call them ‘friends’ is an exercise in futility, will not accept your flaws and will make you feel responsible and low for them. This will not only hamper your self-esteem but will naturally make you wary of everyone.
6. Real friends have respect for you and your private space
Let’s face it, no matter how good friends two individuals are, they are after all, individuals. There is always a minimum threshold of privacy between them.
Real friends will understand this, when you tell them you do not wish to share something. They will understand that you have legitimate reasons for not wanting to.
Others will try and encroach upon your private space and time. The fact that you might have a private life and commitments is beyond them.
7. Real friends won’t judge you
At the end of a tiring day, all one needs is to be themselves.
But these ‘others’ will not give it to you. Surround yourself with these and you’ll never run out of criticism and pain; all for being the person you are.
Real friends however smooth out the rough edges of what is life, on the contrary.
8. Real friends celebrate your success
Life is sweet when you succeed; sweeter when you succeed with your friends.
Your friends will always find happiness in your joy and success because that is what friends do. While others will be green with envy, they will be revel in your moment in the sun.
These are some basic (but crucial) differences that might help you choose the crowd you surround yourself with.