The notion of society rests on the concept of homogenous uniformity based on certain qualities that are prized for social living.
One of these is empathy. Society naturally assumes empathy in everyone.
However, this is far from the reality: statistics show that 1 in 25 people in the US alone are sociopaths, narcissists (suffering from Narcissistic Personality Disorder) or psychopaths. These individuals speak the language of projection and pathological envy.
All three types exhibit the tendency to exploit people for their own agenda. (This article will mainly focus on narcissists.)
Narcissistic partners in a relationship thrive on devaluing and denigrating their partners to the point where they might be pushed off the edge. That is how their love for themselves is validated.
This justification gets them going; almost like a high.
Their manipulation is psychological, emotionally destroying and very dangerous, especially considering the brain circuitry for emotional and physical pain are one and the same. What a victim feels when they are punched in the stomach can be similar to the pain a victim feels when they are verbally and emotionally abused, and the effects of narcissistic abuse can be crippling and long-lasting, even resulting in symptoms of PTSD or Complex PTSD. Needless to say, this type of abuse can leave psychological and emotional scars that can last a lifetime.
In short, the victim associates violence in general to the hurt they were caused by someone they loved. And as a result, they almost never recover from it and can never find lasting romantic lives again.
Worst part, often times the abuse is not even recognised as abuse, as it comes from someone they wouldn’t expect damage to be coming from – their romantic partners. And it is only now that researchers are looking into Narcissist Victim Syndrome as a legitimate mental illness.
Narcissistic abusers can attack at any given moment, using their choice weapons of sarcasm, condescending remarks, name-calling, and blame-shifting whenever they perceive you as a threat or whenever they need entertainment in the form of an emotional reaction.
This gives them the seat of patroniser and helps fuel their messed up emotional needs.
To understand their attacks, we need to understand their weapons. This consists of information that they collect; information about you that you confide in them during the early phases of the relationship, when they woo you with excessive attention.
This list might help in understanding the three main types of information that they use against you.
1. Your strengths and achievements
Your special skills and abilities will invariably make the abuser pathologically jealous. This goes against their very sense of patronising self-righteous superiority that fuels their charge.
Initially they will place you on a pedestal, revelling in your achievements and in turn bolstering their own image by their association with you (you never see that coming).
Later, the same qualities make you “cocky” or “vain” or a “show-off”.
2. Your weaknesses
This is a simpler thing to understand.
They see your weaknesses and don’t say anything till they have you where they want you.
That’s when they ridicule you to the point where you have no self-esteem left.
That hollow shell of what you were once, fuels their sense of victory and conquest.
3. Your need to please them and their need to be perpetually dissatisfied
Narcissists thrive on being pleased. You have to make them the linchpin around which you revolve your life. They have a constant need to be validated as their sense of superiority is measured in the number of so-called gimps attending on them.
You can always defend yourself from such emotional abuse if you know how to spot it. This is their prima facie method. Be wary!