3 Things That Will Likely Happen When You Stay Together “For The Kids”

Until death do us part” seems like a fairy tale to most of the couples these days. The alarming increase in people guilty of infidelity, lack of communication, inability to resolve conflicts, financial hurdles and unreal expectations are the primary reasons that break a relationship.

Another cause is definitely marrying for all the wrong reasons or thinking things will eventually change. Earlier, people did not have the liberty to walk out of a marriage. An adulterous person would be stoned to death and people were more co-dependent. The 1857 Matrimonial Causes Act allowed ordinary people to divorce. Earlier women were not allowed to apply for a divorce and the procedure was expensive. Now almost half of the American marriages end in divorce.

However, even in today’s society, divorce is stigmatized and this forces couples to sacrifice their well being for the society. It is a common affair for parents who believe that parting would result in a dysfunctional family and thus remain together to raise their kids. This decision may be taken with good intention but the impact is almost always negative. Security, happiness or stability soon fades and the following things happen:

1. The Children will adapt your behavior towards each other

Children see their parents as role models and believe whatever they do is the right thing. James Baldwin wrote, “Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them.” They will see how you treat your partner and will take it to be “normal”. This will also dictate what they expect from their partner or how they interact with others. Do you want your kids to pick up these negative traits?

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2. It is the perfect recipe for resentment

You will end up creating what you wanted to prevent, and that is a broken home. Children will sooner or later blame themselves for your misery. This will result in low self-esteem, guilt, anxiety, anger problems or depression. Divorce still has hope for a better future but couples who stay together but do not connect cause trauma to the kids. The children may start taking sides and always end up blaming one parent for their unhappiness. They may also choose a scapegoat in such cases.

3. Living in constant conflict is no less than Hell

Couples often think that their children are habituated with the tension in the household. This is an extremely wrong conclusion. They can feel the negativity in the atmosphere and it affects them terribly. Children also tend to overhear fights and feel lost. Every family has issues but some can sort out the differences amiably and others silently sulk. Healthy fall outs teach a child how to forgive and adjust to situation, while on the other hand, a cold war-like situation will hamper the child’s well being.

In such cases, divorce is not a bane but a boon. It helps one to re-discover oneself, gain control of their life and more importantly, be happy.

In the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer.

And that makes me happy. For it says that no matter how hard the world pushes against me, within me, there’s something stronger – something better, pushing right back.” ― Albert Camus

By healing yourself, you will teach your child not to settle for less, to know their worth, create healthy boundaries and never give up. Someday they will be grateful to you for not making them live in a make-belief world and face the reality. They will know the value of commitments in relationships and not compromise on their well being.

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